Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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