You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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