apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
