i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
