I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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