sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
