Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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