This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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