Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
