turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
