I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
