he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
