i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
