I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ðŸ˜ðŸ’€#pensacolaproblems
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