"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
His nipple licking is glorious
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