I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
3pm strippers are depressing
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
