Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
