my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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