Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
