God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
