Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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