I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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