woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
