420 ftw
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
