Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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