i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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