Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
