she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
