K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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