I should be sponsored by Trojan
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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