dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
