i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
