i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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