he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
