my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He passed out mid-signature
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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