He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Actions speak louder than pants.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
