yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
