My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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