I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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