im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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