ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
