bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
