I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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