Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
