well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
