SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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