I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
