I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
