Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
