Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize