she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
