I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
