he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
