a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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