i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
