if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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