So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
