I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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