I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
