I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
