erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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