I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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