did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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