That's intense
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
