Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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