One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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