when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
