I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
