it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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