It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
