New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
