Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
