I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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