Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
4 words: hood of his car
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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