D3 body, D1 cock
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
is it fun? or sober?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
